There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
