I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
