dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
