my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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