she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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