i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
