Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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