he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
