She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
