Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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