i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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