I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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