I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Everclear isn't food dammit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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