so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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