my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
