first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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