I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
