Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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