Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
