Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
