the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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