it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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