ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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