he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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