There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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