i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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