hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
