It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
