WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
