I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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