there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
