That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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