What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
