My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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