its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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