Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
