I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
