Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your face is a jimmy john
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
