How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
