3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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