Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
