Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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