time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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