Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
