When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
