remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
