i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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