She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
