Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
