just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
