if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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