I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
