New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
