my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
