look no pants
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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