there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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