I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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