My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
