need another drink. this is the easiest way
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
