mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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