Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
