he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
