so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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