sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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