Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
