My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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