Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
