its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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