I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
