i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize