I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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