Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
