I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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