my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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