I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
