DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I love you. Go after that dick
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