Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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