I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
