i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
